“Every young woman needs a Julianna in their life.”

With the release of CLEO magazine this week featuring the wonderful 72 year old Julianna as my muse, I thought I would show all of you why I love this woman so much.

She has inspired me to dig deeper as a designer to create pieces and to continue to make collections that inspire women to be who they wish to be and to encourage women to not see their size or age as a barrier to looking fabulous. For me Fashion is one part of a womans wholistic self worth.

Julianna has taught me that everyday is a day I can look beautiful and kick butt as a woman. She has taught me to look after myself, as my soul and my body are the only ones I have.  Most importantly she has taught me to create my own rules. This is something that I have already been doing but now I believe I can continue to do this for the rest of my life and for that I will be eternally grateful. Woman don’t fall of the face of the planet once they hit 50, they can plant the seeds that will help our younger women bloom.

I dont have a who. I have a what. When men have told me in my life that I cannot do something. I have been inspiredto rebel and fight. My father made me promise him on my wedding day that I would be self sufficient by the time I was 50. My father died at my wedding. Im inspired by my own fight from within. I dont do anything Im told. I had one husband who thought I was only good for cooking and making babied. I showed him I went to the doctors after my fourth child and had the snip. Im inspired by standing on my own two feet.

I love my hair and my ability to stand up for myself. Im proud of myself for being true to myself.

I pop the cork of a champayne bottle. I love the sound. I love making soup and the biggest pleasure I get is helping other people. That is by far the greatest joy a human being can have.

When I lost my first husband he was only 33. I was left with two young boys. He came home from work complaining he was tired, I was 27 he died an hour later in my arms. I had no support, no income. I didnt have the wisdom of how to deal with this, I was so young. I had to sell everything so we could survive. I feed my children and ate whatever what ever they didnt with a peice of bread off the plate. I was so alone. I eventually got the widow pension when it was introduced, this helped me survive a little longer until I met my second husband. I married him simply because I  was lonely and needed support.

Becoming financially independant by the age of 43. When I didnt need assistance from the government, my children or a man. I no longer needed to ask anyone for anything.

What I know now! I wish I had known sooner what I was good at and then strived for it. This is important for both men and women. No matter what is it, baking cakes, soccer or designing like Amanda! Do what it is your good at and excel!

To become financially independant by my father. If I had daughters I would have told them the same thing.

Because I can kick arse whilst wearing sexy underwear. I can strut my stuff. I am woman.

When I’m having one of those days when I would rather do nothing else except curl up in a little ball under the warmth of my blankets I think it is a fitting time to share some words of wisdom from Seema Duggal. I met Seema whilst at SSE The School of Social Entrepreneurs last year. Seema and I clicked automatically sharing our love of beauty and creativity and deep self-reflection. I admire Seema for her strength in speaking her own truth and for being able to discuss her battles with depression so openly. Mental illness is something most people shy away from talking about and with our out of sight out of mind collective approach within society. I believe we need more and more people like Seema who encourage others to speak their truth. Seema has recently launched her project This Place is Yours and Bachhara is a big fan!

This Place is Yours is a not-for-profit media project and arts organisation that will use the power of language, technology and storytelling to connect communities, open societies and create happier human beings.

I am inspired by incredible storytellers who use their gifts to better the world. My top two would have to be Oprah, for obvious reasons, and Ira Glass, the host of This American Life, as his sheer talent in production and nonfiction is incredible!

My favourite feature of me is the part of me I have gotten to know through writing. I feel like when I write I am having a conversation with the deepest part of me, my soul, and I don’t feel like I would know myself at all if I didn’t express myself. I was deeply depressed during the period in my life when I didn’t write, and a big part of that was because I felt as though I had lost myself. I choose to share these intimate words with the world, but I write them for me.

I tell myself I am worth it every day, even when I don’t feel it. I write my morning pages -3 pages stream of thought – every day, and at the end of them I express gratitude for 3 things and thank god for everything in my life. It makes a world of difference! I also take myself out on dates and meditate and try to be kind to myself with my own self talk, especially when life feels challenging. I surround myself with beautiful words and ideas and people and eliminate everything that is toxic in my life as much as possible. I don’t leave room for negativity, as I know will take up the amount of love and beauty that can come in.

Oh I am sure I can come up with a few. I have had depression my whole life, so dealing with my own mind is a daily challenge. For me, sanity is very much a full time job, so if I don’t exercise, meditate, eat well, talk to my friends and express myself every day then I start to fade. My bad days are terrible, and it has been an exhausting battle. But if I wasn’t like this, This Place is Yours would not exist, and I believe our world needs this project with all my heart. So my life defining challenge has also led to my life’s purpose.

I believe my relationships are my greatest triumph. I came from a world where there was a great deal of negativity and superficial desires, and I was very much programmed to judge people on their exterior characteristics – their education, their money, their status, their looks. It was a combination of my upbringing and the area I grew up in Southern California, where people could be very false. I didn’t like that world, so I created a new one for myself, and in the process I cultivated the kind of family I always wanted. I am surrounded by beautiful souls and I am so proud of the people I have in my life. I think if the little girl in me could see me now, she’d be so excited for her future.

I was extremely bullied and depressed from the ages of 10 to 16, so I wish I had known that a beautiful life awaited me. I wish I had known the sheer power of love and faith and following your dreams, and that if you follow your soul the entire universe will guide you. But I am grateful I know it now, and I believe it is my mission to spread this message.

My favourite childhood memories revolve around the woman who raised me, my grandmother, who sadly passed away a couple years ago. She had the Midas Touch and spread love wherever she went, and she came to me in a dream a little while ago to tell me that “love is always the answer”. It is funny, because she didn’t even speak English when she was alive! But that was very much her life’s philosophy, and I have made it my own.

As women we are all faced with such enormous challenges – we’re inherent nurturers, and yet we have such huge ambitions as well. We have to balance these two aspects of our character and love and care for those around us, as well as ourselves. I’m constantly amazed at how much we, as a gender, can do. We give life and we live life. It’s incredible.

Seemas project This place is yours is currently up on Pozible and is looking for support to get it off the ground. If you are inspired by Seema and her work, and like me think a world full of more self acceptence would be a fabulous idea. Please visit This Place is Yours by Seema Duggal on Pozible.

May Seemas journey grow with love support and understanding. Thank you for your courage, vulnerability and your strength.

“If you think you can, or you think you can’t, either way you are right.”

Jacinta Richmond is the Director of the Sunshine Coast Fashion Festival now known as the International Fashion Week after their partnership with the WFO World Fashion Organisation representing Australia for the year of 2013. Jacinta was up against L’Oreal Melbourne fashion and Perth Fashion Week. (By no means was this win a small one) I meet Jacinta when she invited Bachhara to take part in this year’s event as one of their featured Eco-Ethical designers. Jacinta is an inspiring woman who cares deeply about herself and others whilst also appreciating how much a good outfit can change the outcome and mood of your day.

Her perseverance and  ability to speak her truth has gained her much deserved respect in her industry and with peers. YOU GO GIRL!

http://internationalfashionweek.com.au

My daughter inspires me everyday to be a better woman and a better person.

My feet, they are small, narrow, with high arches, and although they are difficult to find shoes to fit, they have always done their job to perfection and they are the one part of myself that I have never found fault with.

There are 3 things that I do:

The loss of love has always been my biggest life challenge, and the feeling of worthlessness that it brings. The devastation, the very real pain in both your core and your heart, the feeling of helplessness, the falling down. To be in an abusive relationship for many years, have a child in that relationship. To then follow that relationship with the love of my life, only to hear him making love with another woman when his mobile phone accidently answered when I called were two life defining challenges that really came down to one thing: my complete lack of self worth.

Eight years later, to stand up and say “no, you cannot treat or speak to me in that way, I won’t stand for it,” was an enormous triumph. I realized that I had needed to not only say that but act on that for 40+ years. An inner strength that I never knew I had finally came through, allowing me to not only stand up for myself but to lead by example for my daughter that there are certain behaviour’s we should NEVER accept.

The true triumph came though, not with me. It was when my daughter did turn around and say “I’m not okay with that, I’m not doing that just to make you happy anymore. Spending time with you doesn’t make me happy and I just won’t do it. It can’t be all your way all of the time.” When she said this, ay age 10, to someone very important in her life, I knew that if nothing else, I had succeeded in teaching her to stand by and respect her own self worth.

That I am good, and creative and smart and worthwhile.

Those who criticize what you do are generally just mad with themselves that they didn’t think of it first. So just keep on doing what you are doing, as you are clearly doing it well enough to have made someone talk about you.

“If you think you can, or you think you can’t, either way you are right.”

Women are strong, empathetic, and are capable of pushing through the worst of times and experiences just to help others. Remember, men think they are dying from man flu when they have just a sniffle, women give birth, and in the words of Beyonce “get [straight] back to business”. Beyonce is right, we run the world, it’s time we realized the power we have in just being a simple woman.

You can’t get always get what you want, but you will always get what you need, so show gratitude for everything that happens, find the goodness in it, no matter how small, and life will bring you joy.

Thank you Jacinta for your raw honesty and your strength. May your story and your wisdom go on and heal other women who know your story so well.

Stories of a modern day goddess is a blog that we created to inspire the women of today, who are the future of our world. We strongly believe that women hold up half the sky and currently we are not even given the chance to take a quarter of it! We have had the feminist movement that gave us rights but now its time to have a woman movement to give us worth. Until we believe in ourselves it is highly unlikely that greater society will believe in us either.

We are so much more valuable then we are taught to believe. We hope by spreading real and inspiring stories and thoughts of women today, we may start to gain a better understanding of who we are and who we want to be into the future.

For the rest of this year we will be featuring words of wisdom from amazing women like YOU on our blog. We will feature women who still feel sexy into their 70’s, new mothers, business women, creative pioneers, aid workers, teachers, social innovators and women who have defied odds and achieved their dreams in Bangladesh. We hope that by sharing stories and wisdom of everyday women doing extraordinary things, that women collectively may ALL start to truly believe just how lucky they were to be born a woman.

We would love our blog posts to be written by our readers and any woman who feels inspired to share something they would like other women to know. Our collective wisdom is a force to be reckoned with.

If you feel like you would love to dabble in some writing and share with us, please email Amanda at stories@bachhara.com

Thank you for your support, we can’t wait to explore this journey back to our womanhood with you!

I wrote this poem a couple weeks ago and had not been inspired to post it yet. However today my neighbour and I watched my favourite Magpie die on the electricity lines and then miraculously come back to life. So I thought today was the right day to share this poem.  It is dedicated to the beautiful bird who sings to me on my verandah every morning and brings so much joy to my life.

The Birds

The birds cried out their song, as if it was the last song they would sing.

The girl could hear their stories of pain, love and lust.

Their melody told of earthly grounding and the freedom of the skys.

The birds sang their song and the girl wished she could be one of them.

She promised them she would join them next time around.

When the dishes were washed and the children were feed.

When her husband succeeded and her parents were dead.

She would join them in their song.

When her job was done, if only her job was done.

Amanda Fisher ~ May 2012

The word bitch has had an interesting history. It became a derogatory term in early Christendom beacause it was one of the most sacred titles of the Goddess Artemis, who led a pack of hunting dogs . When Athena her death goddess form, her preistesses filled her temple with dogs who howled at the moon. Holy bitches are also found in ancient India as the revered Great Bitch Goddess Sarama, who led the Vedic dogs of death and rebirth. In early christianity, the term “Son of a bitch” was an insult not because it meant the person was a dog, but because it implied that the man was a son of a pagan goddess. 

~ Denise Linn in Secrets and Mysterys

I have dedicated todays blog post to all of the Holy bitches out there. Im not talking about nasty bitches, Im talking about women who are strong, assertive, authentic and know their boundries.

Running a business is not an easy task for anybody and as a woman who is somebody who enjoys being liked  (perhaps needs to be liked, if Im being honest with myself ). It has proved to be very challenging. There have been times where I have needed to say no. There have been times when I needed to be an assertive, strong and decissive. I have had to make decissions that may not have been a crowd pleasing choice. There have been times when I failed to make these choices because of the fact I did not want to be a bitch. My fear of being a bitch has resulted in me hating myself and becoming extremely frustrated in situations because of what I thought was kindness and my need to be liked has resulted in people treating me as weak and too emotional.

What I have come to learn is that true kindness is kindness first to yourself. If this becomes your rule of thumb then the kindness you give to others is never a depleating kindness to your self.

The above excert from Denise Linns book Secrets and Mysterys moved me deeply (there is a whole chapter on Awakening your warrior women) . I have always struggled with boundries as most women do. We always want to help support and care for those we love. Sometimes I have really taken that to the extreme and it has ended up just leaving me with a very empty cup and feeling hurt and dissapointed.

So I wanted to share this passage with all the amazing women I know. For me reflecting on my beleifs aroud who, and what behaviours classify you as a bitch or now as I like to say with clear boundries has really helped me re-evaluate many relationships in my life. Relationships and people who are not honoring the giving and recieving natural flow we all need are now being worked on or removed from my world.

It is always immediately much easier to always be the nice girl, chasing after that friend who always needs help but is never then when the help is needed in return, its much easier to nod our head in passing degrogetory converstaions, or its easier to do the workload of someone in your office when its clearly not yours to do (to keep the peace of course).

Where does this behaviour leave us in the long term?

Most probably to an emotional breakdown or anger fits towards those people in our life who do honor that flow. I no longer wish to have those people paying for my lack of boundries.

Wish me luck!

The ROCKS

The lone fisherman stood on the rocks.

The lone woman sat on the rocks watching,

She was taught that was the best place to be.

Safe and comfortable, Bored and stagnant

Her soul ached because she always felt both

The innner rumblings were always louder the closer she was to the ocean

Always stronger the closer she was to the earth.

The moon peered through the clouds, glistening secrets the woman wanted to know.

The desire to be closer to her, the her she dreamed to know.

The lone fisherman left the rocks.

The lone woman sat on the rocks watching.

Amanda Fisher

May 2012

THE SACRED SHE

Her story is a story of many, yet it is a story that is rare to fall apon the ear. It is a story of a modern day goddess who lost her way. She became confused by what she came to see and her mind became cramped with words and feelings that were not her own. She started a journey of pain from a young age, her temple was broken into and her alter harmed beyond repair. With no one to fix or guide her soul, her temple was repeatedly stolen from and trodden upon. The peices slowly started to repair themselves but looking at them was something she could not bare. She crys silently, through the wailing sirens, cries of children, and the mindless gossip of her friends. She is alone, her soul craves for the light she cannot remember and her body lightly tingles when she lays alone at night under the full moon. She is searching, searching for her essence, her soul she is searching for her woman.

Amanda Fisher

May 2012

Since my “are you proud to be a woman?” blog post some significant changes have occurred in my life. I have not been writing about these change’s as I did not quite know how to articulate them into something tangible for others to understand, simply because I didn’t completely understand myself.

What I came to realize is that it is ok that I don’t know. If I did there would be no need to find out.

So what I have decided to do is to start blogging about what I discover in the hope of my learning also helping others learning and my own understanding.

What I have come up with to share with you today was my poem above. This poem represents my Foundation the Sacred She (which is currently a work in progress). The words in this poem describe the essence of what it will be. Exactly what this organization will do is up to both me, and all of the women who resonate with this story.  The words of this story came from a deep place within me. A deep place I had seem to have forgotten. It no longer lets me forget.

I have been inspired to dig much deeper into my soul and our collective history as women. I want to discover what it means to be a woman for women all over the world and how that impacts on the way we are women today.

Through this journey I wish to find out how we can be better women for our future and for the future of all of our daughters, husbands, girlfriends, brothers, sisters and sons.

I would like to invite all of my beautiful friends and readers to join me on this journey to rediscover my female essence.

I’m sure it is not too lost…

Love Amanda

” Tough times dont last, tough people do” ~ Ita Buttrose

Last friday was full of inspiration for me when I had the delight to meet Ita Buttrose at the most recent Business Chicks breakfast. This dose of pure female power could not have come at a better time.

After posting my most recent blog I was immediately filled with a sense of peace, peace that I had released something I had been holding so tightly, peace that I no longer felt helpless and a victim and peace when I thought about this delicate issue. It took two days for the peace feeling to subside before my inner gremlin tried to take over. I refer to him as a gremlin because it makes it easier for me to control  him when he pops up his little evil head. The words he speaks are not mine and I’m so much better off for now truly believing that. When family members didn’t acknowledge my words or close friends became uncomfortable his little voice grew stronger. ” everyone thinks your just crying wolf” , “people will avoid you and pity you now because your really stupid” . Blah blah blah.

Those are just some of the enlightening things my gremlin blesses me with when he rears his ugly head. I wanted to share this with all the women who read my blog. So many of your praised me for my courage and others said they could not do the same. I want you all to know deeply that it was not that I didnt feel fear or uncertainty when writing and especially when posting my words. I was nervous, I posted, ran from the computer and began dance meditation immediately attempting to run from my gremlin. What I have realized is the more I speak out against him the weaker he becomes. ( currently he is working out how to escape from the sinking sand I’ve banished him in, and let me tell you Aladdin will not be arriving with a magic carpet and a talking monkey)

Ita’s  talk reminded me that alot of the time the right thing to do may not be the easiest of things to do. The choice i made however was deciding whether it was harder to run from the hard thing or face it head on.

Your right thing may not be the right thing for anyone but you at the time. And that is ok too. Its ok that you are in a different place of emotions or understanding then somebody else and the sooner you let go of trying to understand or contol others reactions the easier it will be to stand with strength  in your own place. What ever place that may be, stand there, stand there with the  strength of knowing that you are you and what you are is beautiful warts and all. Whether your strength is grounded in a pair of heels or a pair of joggers its yours and yours alone.

Strength attracts strength and what was once a standing of one woman will become a standing of 20000. If Ita could walk proudly through the male media halls in the 70’s,  whilst being hissed and spat at by men then I think I can do a little something for what I believe in. ( hopefully minus the spitting)

We as women have come so far in such a short period of time but there is still a long way to go. There is a long way to go until we can walk proudly within our skin. Knowing that we may be prone to emotional outbursts or unexplainable  tears, but Those tears are what make us able to be mothers and to love so unconditionally.

We are still here, loving our children and loving our men despite the pain we have endured over centuries. I believe that is true representation of courage and the true representation of unconditional love. Women fight wars with love not bombs and this war of mine is going to feel like its waking up on valentines day for the rest of its life.

I would like to thank all of the beautiful and couragouse women who stepped forward and shared their pain with me. I deeply hear your words and am holding your feelings as if they were my own. I feel very honored to be walking the earth with such amazing souls and I’m so excited about the future we will ALL create.

“Holy are our experiences and holy are our own feelings and bodies. We own nothing in this world but ourselves, we should honor that ownership so much more than we currently are.”

Are you proud of being a woman?

If you take the time to consider this question deeply I think you would find like me some feelings of the unknown may come up.

I think I can finally say “I am truly proud to be a woman.” However I am not exactly sure what that means.  I have recently decided to make it a priority to find out.

The relationship I have had with myself, and my body as a woman so far has been rocky to say the least. Loosing your virginity to the act of rape creates a deep scar that goes much deeper than the tissue. I have discovered that I, like most women who have opened up with me, have Buried this pain for years. Afraid to let it go and having no idea what to do with it.

I feel guilty. Guilty for many things. Guilty I may have drunk to much, guilty that I was too experimental and adventurous as a 14 year old, guilty I didn’t listen to my parents, guilty I may have not been strong enough resisting the overpowering body through my own tears and shock, I feel guilty for his guilt and finally I feel guilty I could make other people uncomfortable by talking about such uncomfortable things.

With my heart and my body drowned in so much guilt I have struggled to allow myself to understand and know my own true beauty.

I am not alone; I am not the only woman who feels these things. I already know this yet I haven’t even begun to discuss this openly. I know Im not the only woman who has been touched in away that makes her feel uncomfortable. The details of the event never really matter, whether it was by an uncle in a close-knit Bangladeshi family or by a high school friend or simply by a stranger. The details don’t really matter it’s the feeling we harbor silently within us for years, that do so much more damage.

I have never before discussed this openly and never before let my wounded child breathe, it has taken me ten years to do so and I’m still unsure as to exactly why.

Some conclusions I have made is that I didnt discuss this before I didnt feel like I had anyone to discuss it with and because I beleived I was actually being stronger by prentending the issue was not there. I disnt want to be one of those women crying out for pity. I dont want your sympathy. “I am strong woman I can deal with anything.” The sad thing is now I am realsiing how much stronger you truly need to be to sit in and own your vulnerability. Me discovering this came at the same time of me discovering that I am now the uncertain adult. I am a woman who looks after other little women. And as the tables are reversed I know I do not wish for others to suffer is the same unknown silence of uncertainty and guilt as I did as a teenager.

I have also realised there are so many of us suffering from this pain yet we are all sitting in silence and we are feeling so alone.

Why are we so alone?

I have talked about women’s rights as if it is a separate thing to my rights entirely. Do I even know what woman rights are?  I cannot even begin to start to grasp this question.

What I can grasp is, that if by me standing up and speaking of my pain I may allow others to do the same then that is the beggining of understanding these questions for me.

Recognising this truth inside me I have decided to take the leap and hold onto it no more.

I no Longer wish to sit in silence about my feelings and what is happening to women all over the world everyday. My feelings are my own and I own them. I own them entirely. I harbor no anger for the boy who caused this pain, because he was a boy as I was a girl. He was a boy overcome with desire, a desire he did not understand or know how to control.

He was overcome by a desire that we all feel to achieve a sense of place. That place where we are present and we truly belong. We all come from the place of sex and because we are all free to do it I think we ignorantly believe we understand it. We are afraid to talk about it because of all of our own deep suppressed desires. From my experience the world as its people have never gotten to any place world going through suppression. I don’t know how much this issue in itself has to do with what happened to me and what has happened to so many women I know but I do know it’s worth the time to at least think about.

To own my own place I need to feel as though I truly own it. If I cannot talk about part of this place as if it were my friend then the sad truth is “I truly own nothing.”

I currently do not own the power I should own as a woman, I do not own the power I should feel as a Man a human. If I stand aside and hide, all I own is my own suffering. I know my suffering connects with others suffering and my healing needs to start there.

It needs to start at a place where I do not live in fear of making others uncomfortable. It’s needs to reside in a world where our pain is honored, discovered and released.

The suppressed desires of men and women alike can no longer seep their way into the lives of our children’s innocent bodies and innocent minds.

I Amanda River Fisher chose, as a woman of this world to speak of what happens to women of this world and the first woman I am starting this with is me.

I declare I harbor pain, I harbor pain for the way my body has been used and abused on more than one occasion and for the pain I harbor for never feeling as though I had the right to say no. I acknowledge that saying no for me meant being in a place of fear, of not being loved.

I now know I deserve love simply for being alive, I don’t deserve love because I’m desirable, attractive or even for being intelligent. I deserve love because I simply am.

May you nourish my truth with the respect I will nourish yours and may we all heal ourselves, and the rest of our world with open hearts, open minds, and openness to new ideas on moving forward.

This is my ode to my body and a promise to love it so much more than I previously have.

Thank you. Love Amanda